There's Probably A Mitski Song For That

How to: Transition into Life after College

I’ve got to get better at reading my emails.

I was really good at it in college. (Eek! Still feels unreal to say I’m no longer in college.) Granted, I was terrible at first, until I was forced to get better at it, but then after that, I was scarily good at staying on top of emails.

But now I have to stop neglecting my Gmail (two accounts because I told myself keeping the personal and professional organized would help … ha), and boy, has she been neglected. Elle Woods might consider this reckless abandonment? (I just rewatched Legally Blonde, can you tell?) But both accounts in total surpass 6,000 unread emails and it’s simply too much. If information overload and burnout hit it off and had a baby, that would be post-grad me. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve started to wonder what’s the point in caring anymore. About any of it. But we have to keep caring; it’s all we have! At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

oh, ms. woods comma elle we’re really in it now

I’m trying to push myself to do better. I’m reading again, learning Tagalog for real this time, and I got a workout routine all set. For some reason, I’m terrified to look at my resume or start applying for jobs, but we’re getting there. Maybe if I do enough things in the same order enough days in a row my head will stop spinning.

I wish there was a breathing period between the before and after of something. Not quite the during stage, but something else so I don’t feel guilty for currently being only a semi-functioning adult. And I should be compensated a million dollars for my efforts as well.

I’m currently writing a book about how there’s not one right way to be an adult. It’s got me teetered on the edge of “i can prove this i promise” and “are we sure. are we absolutely certain right now.” It’s a hard line to dance on when you embody the very angel you wish to save you. But it’s all I got. Of course, the book has its own playlist and of course, its current run time is three hours. Of course, it’s gotten me telling myself it’s not enough.

— Melissa Broder in “Problem Area” from Last Sext

Leading up to my graduation, which was a mixture of complete dread and absolute relief, I got a lot of advice from people. The thing is—I’m not fit for law school, I don’t want to get a PhD or Masters, and I’m not even certain I know what networking means. You get two degrees and all anyone wants to know is when you’re getting more school? I’m exhausted.

But how to, right? That’s what these are supposed to be, according to the title. These newsletters have not felt like that in such a long time. I will be honest with you: I think the last time I watched Julie and Julia was when I was in high school. But it’s her going through Julia Child’s cookbook, trying each recipe, explaining her failures, and providing solutions to each problem, right? Well, um, don’t start a newsletter without a plan, haha. It’s kind of just been me being like hey this sucks! and pretending I know the answer. I’ve been skirting a fine line between a free newsletter and a diary. I really hope that we’re all just pretending to know the answer.

beautiful segue

So far, here’s my current guide:

• spurred by your move-out period, clean out your entire childhood bedroom

  • do some serious throwing away and donating and sort through precise childhood memories to categorize the valuable from the invaluable

  • have a giant bag and box of items that you promise to sell (and probably will never get to)

• give up on fighting going to church with your mom and just use that time to brainstorm your novel

• go out with friends one time and order the wrong waffles so you need to go back and reorder them or else you will be chasing that craving forever

  • also go home after and lay down for three hours because everything makes you tired

• GET REALLY SCARED. FOR NO REASON

• watch tv. watch movies. listen to music. watch too much tv and movies that you’re convinced you’re hearing the sound of your brain rotting away. listen to music again to get the antidote.

• be creative!

  • write your novel (we’re so back)

  • work on pinterest and spotify playlists for so long your brain hurts (it’s so over)

  • write your other novel the first one that’s been rotating your brain since you were 13 (a mix of so over and so back?)

  • convince yourself that they’re not good enough or about anything and you’re just going in circles with the same nothing idea (we are so so over)

  • continue writing because it’s all we have

• fuck up your sleep schedule reaaaal bad

• cook food for your family until your brain resets

• SCARED AGAIN. BOO

• start working out. tell yourself a routine will stick this time. do it in the sun so you remember that life is worth living.

• ?? ?? ??

• oh and tell your best friends you love them, because you do

♡

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Last watched: Legally Blonde (Max)

Last read: Ruin and Rising - Leigh Bardugo