January Recap

How to: spell January correctly on the first try

So. Basically I had a lot of goals for this month. Let’s do a check in. But first, check in with you, dear reader. How was your month? Did January live up to all your mystical expectations?

Back to me.

Resolutions

1. To be a better adult.

• Ha! No. I put off reworking my schedule, turned in my communication app at literally the last minute, and I’ve been ordering a lot more food in that I anticipated. Maybe a planner will fix me.

2. Read one book a month.

• Yes! I read two this month, for class. But I finished them! Didn’t love but. Hey. What gets the job done.

3. Do daily journals.

• OKAY. I had been doing them but I forgot about it this week. I promise I will actually do it today after I write this. I promise. I really do.

4. Learn Tagalog.

• Okay….. I have been… but I haven’t been doing it as much as I should. Again. I think a planner would fix me.

5. Weekly blog posts.

• Yes! Finally a win! Aren’t we all so glad to be here?

6. Finish a first draft manuscript.

• Stay tuned.

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Reflection

This month has been a lot more hectic than I had hoped. I wanted to finish an old class I never did. And I never did and now I have to retake it probably. I wanted to do a lot of work on Tagalog, which as we can see, that went not as planned. I wanted to do so much more.

I will be honest! I feel like crap. I know I didn’t do the worst I could but I also know I didn’t do my best. I did the bare minimum if anything. I know I can do better.

I hate school. I do. I honestly think it’s one of my biggest obstacles in getting me closer to my personal and career assessed goals. But when I don’t have school I just vibe. What’s the balance between relaxation and determination?

This is going to make me sound terrible, but I get through a lot of life by barely skating by. I’ve gotten away with it since I was 13. I know it needs to stop but that’s been a whole lot of wishing on next weekend, next week, next semester, next year. We’re supposed to live in the now, but I’m having a difficult time adjusting. I’ve never been one to live in the now.

They say don’t wish for the next year for something to happen, or else nothing will get done for you now. But dreaming of the future has always been the only thing keeping me going. They say don’t deprive yourself of the hopeful happiness that things will happen in your favor. But when I expect nothing, I’m more likely to gain something.

I have never been the type of person to adhere to the norm. I’m really good at figuring out what it is that doesn’t work for me. It’s time I start learning what does.

Today was a hard day. I’m big enough to accept that. For the first time, in a long time, the future scares me. I want to be on my own but I don’t want to journey lonely. Today’s goal is to take it all in with acceptance. Maybe knock down a few long waited poles, before getting back to it. Tomorrow? Tomorrow, we’ll try again and be an adult then. Today I get to be a kid.