Comfort Amisdt The Crazy
How to: take things as they come
I had this really weird dream last night. I had moved to this new area and this guy (who had nothing seemingly wrong with him, I just didn’t really like him that way) asked me out. I really don’t know why but I kind of just let him. Most times in my dreams I’m myself. This dream I was playing a version of myself that I think men see.
So he asks me out and I guess I let him and I know his cousin or sister or something because next thing I know I’m in his house with his parents. He’s really excited and I’m really shy. Also his dad is being played by Eric Dane. Anyways for some reason they have a bunch of food to be cooked because I guess we’re having dinner and I decided to be the one to put it in the oven. Except they have so many different cabinet doors that look like ovens but aren’t. Thankfully Eric Dane shows me where the oven is.
I honestly don’t know what this dream means. Most of my dreams don’t really have much of a meaning but rather are things that are not really going to happen. Which kind of breaks my heart sometimes but also gives me a sense of relief. I won’t get to have an opportunity of being accidentally giggly around Eric Dane but at least this affirms I’m not actually like this.
It probably spurred from my events of the night before. My best friend is writing this story about a girl who is in a brand new place but it seems to be working out for her. Which by the way. I’m extremely jealous of. I have such a coming of age fantasy of just being able to pick up all my stuff and move to New York and get a total new person at school syndrome in the way that everyone falls in love with me.
I was also talking to my other friend last night how sometimes I worry that I talk about my exes too much to the point it seems like my only personality. I know actual people who make that their personality so I know that isn’t how I am, but it’s still a fear I have. It’s a bit comical to be honest. The person who wants relationships the least is consumed by love the most.
This week has been incredibly weird. I’ve had four straight days of insanity and panic that I managed to cure with sleep and forcing myself to do the things I have been dreading. I previously wrote a draft talking about how bizarre bodies are but I trashed it because even I am figuring it out.
I am granted three days of peace before I get back to it. People keep asking me what I’m doing this weekend and honestly I have no clue! Definitely sleep in. Maybe give my roommates some space as they feel hectic from their sorority recruitment week. I was thinking of dusting my room because I cannot stop sneezing.
Normally not having plans for the weekend makes me feel so lame. I like filling my weekends with plans of seeing people to store in case of my weekday void. It’s different me being okay with having nothing. Earlier my friend showed me her pasta recipe and I considered copying it. Then I thought I was gonna order Chili’s quesadilla* but then I didn’t. I don’t know! And I’m honestly okay with that.
* I didn’t order because the doordash racked up the price from 12 dollars to 22 dollars. I still think everyone should get it though. I went to Chili’s a couple of weeks ago with my roommate for the first time and honestly, banger. It’s the perfect mix of crunch and cheese. I get the Bacon Chicken Quesadilla without the bacon. Highly recommend.
Last watched: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Hulu)
Last read: Cherry by Nico Walker
Books read: 2/12